Identity Crisis, sort of

Sometimes, lately, I find myself thinking to myself, "This is not who I am supposed to be." Hmm. What does that mean exactly? I am not entirely sure. This recurring phrase pops into my brain at the most random and sometimes unexpected times. Like, today, for example. I was driving home from some serious errand running. I turned onto my street, that I love. The day was beautiful, everything looked fantastic, super-imposed, brilliant colors, early dusk (one of my favorite times of the day). Boom. There it was. That thought. What does it mean exactly? I don't get it.

I've had the thought while at the grocery store, at church, at home, in my room, on a walk, there is no rhyme or reason to when the thought will present itself. It just does. It is extra weird because I think that I am essentially happy with my life. Very strange. I will continue to ponder this cryptic message to myself from myself.

Johnathon

Here's the latest on the Johnathon front. He comes home on June 1st. The countdown has begun!

Hello,
I had a good birthday. We went to my ward misson leader's house because it was also his wife's b-day so that was fun. We have someone scheduled for baptism on June 5. Tell bishop Skinner that I will speak with him on the 13th. Do you know what my topic is on the home ward talk? My week was normal other than the fact that I'm 21 now and I wasn't the week before.
Talk to you later.
John.

I did pass my class. But I no longer have a 4.0 G.P.A. It was short lived. My 4.0. Just one semester. It felt nice, but a little strange. I like to think the "B" in my 4 credit class represents balanced or bully, as in "bully for you" instead of bad or boo (think Princess Bride).

The fact is, I am in a funk. I haven't felt like I could blog in my present state of funkiness but now I have determined that it may be a potential cure, a shot in the arm or the behind, so to speak. I'm going give it a try.

Yes, I know. I have failed in my daily blogging attempt but I believe that repentance in the form of an occassional double dose of blogging can be applied in this situation. I'll make up for the days that I missed. Eventually.

 Aside from not quite finishing that blasted, never-ending IOP that was due tonight (I need to talk to database support as soon as they open in the morning), and being "under the weather," Mother's Day was very nice.  My children and husband showered me with love, books, poetry, flowers, handmade cards, storebought cards, and served me a lovely lunch. I was also acknowledged for my motherliness in a blog (thanks Nicole) and a text and a phone call (Johnathon). I feel undeserving but enjoyed the accolades none the less.


I did not, however, return the love to the motherly women in my life, so tomorrow, promptly upon finishing up that dreaded IOP, I will belatedly wish much happiness to those who I neglected today.

Be Still

My future son-in-law is reading Jane Eyre, a particular favorite of mine, although it has been several years since I've read it. That is one that would be worth rereading, again, which would be rerereading. He wondered if people really conversed like that back then. I think they did. I think that they spent a lot more time talking to each other. I think they had more time. Ironic because now, with all of our time saving inventions we seem to have less time. Obviously, I am generalizing. I am sure there were many people in the 1800's who went through life without any meaningful conversation. But, they didn't really know better. We do. We just have so many distractions. We are all busy. I don't think that a meaningful conversation has to take hours but it does require focus and active listening. My friend, Kathy Evans, majored in the home and family sciences. I remember her talking about how some of the best conversations can occur when a parent and a child wash dishes together. Both people are stationed in one area and focusing on a task that leaves mental awareness available for communication between the two workers. Some types of yard work accomodate this sort of conversation as well.
Be still. What a concept. It is a requirement for relationships with deity, families, friends, neighbors, and self. People who know how to  "be still" stand out. It is almost like time stops or slows down around them even when they are moving fast.

I'll try to remember. Maybe a tattoo...no, probably not.

What words can be used to describe 16?

Sweet,

Silly,

Sad,

Scary,

Smart,

Simple,

Sydnee

Traveling

Drove home from Arizona today.
It was a great visit and a great trip back.
I do love a good road trip.
My brother, Grant, who I was traveling with likes to take the scenic route. So do I.
If you have never taken the cutoff through Johnson Canyon before, you should.
It goes through the town of Alton, Utah.
My niece, Hannah was thrilled beyond measure to discover that at the Subway in Panquitch the girl who made our sandwiches tessellates the cheese.
Much happiness all around.
Grant took lots of great pictures. Unfortunately they are all on his camera.

Another Johnathon Update

This weeks letter--

Mom

I'm going to call at 3:30 your time 2:30 here. Last phone call. I went tracting in a sandstorm yesterday that's probably the funnest thing this week so far. That sandstorm was nuts. Other than that I'm taking care of myself. My comp has just about talked me into taking Kung fu when I get back. Walters is good kid. I like him. Talk to you Sunday.

John

(Photo taken May 28, 2008--Just yesterday)

LAST WEEK'S LETTER

Today is my 23 months day. Wo dude! Thats crazy. Yesterday I bore my dying testimony in zone conference which is why I didn't email but it was a narly experience for me. The bike I came out with broke like a year ago. It basically blew up, so I'm not bringing home a bike. We're teaching some nice people and some crazies, mostly trying to get the ward members to help us out. Someone in particular we're teaching is Teresa Huckaby a nice lady, 73 years old.  I think she is our top progressing investigator at the moment. Well, I'll talk to you later.
Love,
John.